Nordie's At Noon

I sat up late into the night to read "Nordie's At Noon", an inspiring and moving story about four young women and their experiences with breast cancer. Written by Patti Balwanz, Kim Carlos, Jennifer Johnson and Jana Peters as the women lunched, laughed, cried, commiserated and lived their lives at their regular table at the cafe in Nordstrom's. This is a story of what no woman should have to experience, but more so what young women just starting their lives should not have to endure.












L-R Jana Peters, Kim Balwanz, Kim Carlos, Jennifer Johnson

As a breast cancer survivor/thriver, there was a great deal in this book that I related to. But try as I might I could not identify with the experience of being a young woman under age 30 and being diagnosed as all four of these women were; I could not identify with being pregnant with my first child and finding a lump as Jen did; nor could I identify with being newly engaged to be married and finding a lump as Jana was. I could identify with Kim as a mother, however my children were in their teens and Kim's son was just turning two at the time of her diagnosis. I could certainly put myself in their places, but my experience happened to me after I had experienced a great many years of life. There is no good time to be diagnosed with breast cancer but it seems much more cruel to me when it happens to young women, young mothers. It puts breast cancer in a whole different spotlight in these instances.

I could not identify with Patti and Jana when they had recurrences. Oh, I had immense empathy because this is a reality that we all live with. It could come back. I choose not to think about that or dwell on it. There are so many other things that "might" happen to me as I move forward, this is only one. A very real one but I can't stop living and live in fear. And that was echoed throughout the book. To know it might happen and to live with it when it does are two completely different things. I read these chapters with a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes and the fear of reality. I could feel the hairs prickle on the back of my neck, because if we allow it, this disease can feel like it is hiding in the shadows in dark alleys, waiting to catch you when you are alone and vulnerable. What I did come away with was the support, love and growth that these friends, these sisters experienced and shared.

The truth about breast cancer is that it can happen to anyone, at any age, male or female. We tend to forget that men are susceptible to breast cancer. Yes, they are a small minority but it does happen and is quite often worse, or discovered at the later stages because it is missed or not looked into. Young women can fall into this category as well. They might assume it is nothing, heavens, they might not even do a BSE (breast self exam). Doctors can also miss this because the thinking is that women under the age of 30 would not develop breast cancer. Women by the age of 20 should be doing a BSE, a baseline mammogram should be done by age 35, especially if there is a close family history of breast cancer, regular screening should be started by age 40 (although in Canada it seems to be 50 which is far too late in my estimation). Any abnormality (not just lumps) should be brought to the attention of a doctor and if a doctor is reluctant or hesitant to request a mammogram or ultrasound it is imperative that you insist and persist until this is done. No one knows our body better than we do and I have to say that there is an instinctive button that is pushed when we discover something. We have a "gut" reaction that tells us when something is wrong. I have yet to speak to anyone with breast cancer who did not know. I "knew". While all around me were offering reassurance and comfort that it was probably "nothing", I knew in my heart that it was cancer. After reading "Nordie's At Noon", I discovered so did these four women.

So much of this book touched home. Each woman told her story, each woman had advice, insight and depth to how this touched her life. Patti made it a point to treat herself as feminine after her surgery...pedicures, manicures, massage, all the things that make you feel feminine. The others concurred. Amen to that. It's vital. They talked about choices, all the choices we have to make about our treatment once the diagnosis is confirmed, but Patti also said that we have the choice to fight and live or give up and die. My words and sentiments exactly. We have choice about so much during this time and the most important is to choose to live.

Some of Kim's thoughts were mine as well. After spending time in gaping, paper thin gowns that have been worn by thousands of other women, laundered and recycled, leaving you feeling shapeless and drab, while waiting to be seen, having tests, spending so much time out of your clothing, everyone looking at your body, your scars, etc. you do lose all sense of modesty about your body. I still feel that way when I see a doctor for a follow up or any other reason. My body is just a vessel. Look all you like. I'm "inside" that part is protected, no one can "touch" that.

Spirit, faith and a belief in something "other", a higher power is essential when coping with crisis, terminal illness or disease that changes your life. Whatever your religion, your faith or your background. You might have been absent from God for some time as I was, you might never have believed in anything, but I can say with conviction that this is a time in life when you find your way or you find your way back. I loved Kim's story about one of her sorority sisters giving her a "Something for Jesus to Do" box. Whenever she had a problem she felt she couldn't handle, she put it in the box and let God do his work. The verse that came with the box read:

"Good morning. I am the Lord your God. Today, I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If the devil happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, DO NOT attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the "Something for Jesus to Do" box. It will be addressed in my time, not yours. Once the matter is placed in the box, do not hold onto it or attempt to remove it. Holding on or removal will delay the resolution of your problem. If it is a situation that you are capable of handling, please consult me in prayer to be sure that it is the proper resolution. Because I do not sleep nor do I slumber, there is no need for you to lose any sleep. Rest my child. If you need to contact me, I am only a prayer away. Love Eternally, The Lord Your God."

So many sentences in this book were "real" to me. From Jana ~ "I have accepted the fact that I am not in control of the disease. I am only in control of how I deal with it." From Jen ~ "I will not live in fear of something over which I have no control. Letting go of the fear of death was the most liberating part of my experience. In the end, it is a blessing to realize at such an early age how precious life is while I have still time to make the most of it."

Sadly, Patti Balwanz passed away on December 29, 2003 before the book was finished. But her strength and determination held her so that she could complete the parts she wanted included in the book and her loving brother David and her parents spoke for her to see the book to publication. There is much sorrow in seeing their circle broken as the number at their table in the cafe was less one very loved member, but the love and friendship remained intact.

On December 9, 2006, Jana Peters passed away, another loss much too soon.

In browsing through the Nordie's At Noon website, I came across this photograph as the authors received the Natalie Spingarn Writer's Award at the National Coalition of Cancer Survivorship's Rays of Hope Awards in 2007. Bless them for sharing their stories, their lives and their inspiration.













L-R: Elizabeth Edwards, David Balwanz (Patti's brother), Chris Peters (Jana's husband), Kim Carlos, Jennifer Johnson